This summer morning, as I look out onto my
view from my "treehouse office" at parrots flying low and a moon sailing over
pine trees to its rest on the western horizon, I am reminded of Proverbs 13:12,
"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of
life."
Perhaps my lighter heart this morning is in response to a number of good events over the last few days. Maybe I'm setting myself up for yet another emotional disaster that hope deferred brings. But this morning, I feel good. Really good.
Getting married and moving to Australia three years ago was a bigger life change than I realized. There were a lot of highly charged emotional things going on at the same time back in the States, and adding to the mix, the marriage wasn't as easy-peasy as I thought it would be. There were also roadblocks and other outside forces to deal with here that I had no idea were lurking around the corner to ambush me...a steady drone for three years.
Yesterday I finally talked to a professional about some of these things. And it felt good to be validated and listened to and understood, and to know there is help available for me without drugs, and most of all hope. I'm done with the guilt of feeling like Jesus should be enough, why isn't He? He is...and sometimes He uses other people as His hands throwing me a life jacket.
Other, smaller things help as well. Keeping a tidy house is important to me. I'm not a clean freak, but I like things in their places, and not filthy. That's been hard to do with a couple of rooms in this house. Recently, Steve re-did our walk-in closet, doubling it's capacity. Last weekend, he overhauled the office, put a wood floor in, moved the furniture around, and now I have a clean workplace (with a view!) that doesn't clutter my mind with its clutter. The spare bedroom has also been transformed into a beautiful sleeping area, not an extra storage space.
And that leads me to the biggest source of joy this week: three week-long visitors! My step-niece Josie and her 1-year-old daughter, Sienna, along with a friend's daughter from the US, Stephanie, are here. They are young, fresh, and interesting in conversation (when we aren't chasing Sienna) and easy, enjoyable companions. For being perfect strangers, the two young women are getting along like a house on fire, and adventures are planned for the week.
When I started writing this morning, Steve had just left for work and in the quiet I felt peace. But now, the household is up, getting coffee, tea, and brekky, Sienna is banging plastic on the floor and squealing, and I realize that to this peace is added a quiet joy.
Maybe this longing fulfilled of a peaceful, hopeful life will become a strong and mighty tree in me.
Perhaps my lighter heart this morning is in response to a number of good events over the last few days. Maybe I'm setting myself up for yet another emotional disaster that hope deferred brings. But this morning, I feel good. Really good.
Getting married and moving to Australia three years ago was a bigger life change than I realized. There were a lot of highly charged emotional things going on at the same time back in the States, and adding to the mix, the marriage wasn't as easy-peasy as I thought it would be. There were also roadblocks and other outside forces to deal with here that I had no idea were lurking around the corner to ambush me...a steady drone for three years.
Yesterday I finally talked to a professional about some of these things. And it felt good to be validated and listened to and understood, and to know there is help available for me without drugs, and most of all hope. I'm done with the guilt of feeling like Jesus should be enough, why isn't He? He is...and sometimes He uses other people as His hands throwing me a life jacket.
Other, smaller things help as well. Keeping a tidy house is important to me. I'm not a clean freak, but I like things in their places, and not filthy. That's been hard to do with a couple of rooms in this house. Recently, Steve re-did our walk-in closet, doubling it's capacity. Last weekend, he overhauled the office, put a wood floor in, moved the furniture around, and now I have a clean workplace (with a view!) that doesn't clutter my mind with its clutter. The spare bedroom has also been transformed into a beautiful sleeping area, not an extra storage space.
And that leads me to the biggest source of joy this week: three week-long visitors! My step-niece Josie and her 1-year-old daughter, Sienna, along with a friend's daughter from the US, Stephanie, are here. They are young, fresh, and interesting in conversation (when we aren't chasing Sienna) and easy, enjoyable companions. For being perfect strangers, the two young women are getting along like a house on fire, and adventures are planned for the week.
When I started writing this morning, Steve had just left for work and in the quiet I felt peace. But now, the household is up, getting coffee, tea, and brekky, Sienna is banging plastic on the floor and squealing, and I realize that to this peace is added a quiet joy.
Maybe this longing fulfilled of a peaceful, hopeful life will become a strong and mighty tree in me.
No comments:
Post a Comment